New line of stealth clothing is perfect for the conspiracy-obsessed

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As anyone who is an avid reader of World Weekly News knows, they are watching you. Who is watching you? That doesn’t matter. It’s either aliens, the government or a bizarre child that is actually a bat. In any event, you need to find newer and better ways to avoid these scurrilous rapscallions. Technology has been being spied on easier than before. There is a satellite looking down on each and every one of us at all times. There is a camera on every street corner. How can we avoid all of these eyeballs so we can lead a simple life inside of our custom-made bomb shelter? Wearable technology, of course.

A New York designer named Adam Harvey has created a line of clothing that’ll keep our privacy up to snuff. He is calling it Stealth Wear and it, well, keeps you stealthy. The collection includes  items like the “anti-drone hoodie,” which uses a space-age material that will make it impossible for drones to use thermal imaging to spot you. Also on the conspiracy-themed docket? A jacket that contains a pouch for your phone that makes it impossible to track. They’ll never catch you now! The line even includes a t-shirt called the “XX Shirt” that is designed to protect your heart form harmful x-ray radiation.

The line isn’t ready for public consumption yet. The designer is showing off the line next week in London. Until we can get our hands on some of this stuff, it looks like we’ll have to remain safe the old-fashioned way, by wearing a tinfoil hat!