Life Expectancy Timepiece shows your time left on this earth


Can you hear that? That’s the endless pitter-patter of the grim reaper waiting to make his once and final descent. You see, dear reader, we are just mere mortals waiting to give up our dominance over this realm. It’ll happen, always sooner than we’d like, and once it does there will be nothing left of us but specks of dust. Ashen, useless dust. That is all we amount to, in the end.

If that is the kind of cheerful sentiment that makes your day, then boy oh boy do we have the watch for you. The David Kendrick-designed Life Expectancy Timepiece does what its name implies: It brightly announces to the wearer how much time they have left before they bite the big one. It works using real actuary-based science, with an accompanying algorithm. It weighs your age against certain life-impacting factors such as how long your parents lived beyond seventy, what your diet is like, how much you exercise and even your living environment and disposition. It also takes into account where you live. You know, all of the regular information a life insurance agent would need to rip you off offer you a reasonable insurance plan.

There isn’t a high demand for this kind of morbid timepiece, so it’s still in the planning stages. You may have a long time to wait, both for death and this death-obsessed watch. It’s been in that planning stage for over twenty years. Carpe diem.