The Defender is a Safety System That Fits in Your Pocket


Protecting yourself can be a dangerous business. Sure, you can learn martial arts or whatever, but then you run the very real risk of hurting your back. You could buy a gun, but then you run the very real risk of accidentally shooting your penis or vagina off. Mace? That stuff is so 1980s. Snoozeville. If only there was something tech-heavy that helped us protect our bods as we wander this wild, wacky planet of ours. Wait a minute. This just in. There is something that is intended to do just that. Introducing the appropriately named Defender personal protection device thingamajig.

The Defender is a little rod, of sorts, that nestles quietly in your pocket or purse, just waiting to spring into action. If someone comes at you trying to steal your junk, whip this bad boy out and protect ya neck. You can pepper spray the assailant, ring a loud siren, snap a photo of the assailment(which is then automatically emailed to authorities,) and alert said authorities as to your GPS location. It even sends texts to your emergency contacts, letting them know about the situation. In other words, that would-be mugger is in for a real crappy night. Muhaha.

This item isn’t available on personal protection store shelves(?) yet, but the makers have taken to crowdsourcing site Indiegogo to raise finishing funds. You can preorder your own for around $159, which is a small price to pay considering the wait time at the DMV to get your license back after that ornery mugger steals your wallet.