Airbus Patents In-Flight Helmet For Tuning Out Other Passengers


Let me paint a particularly gruesome picture for you. A trans-continental flight is about to take off. You are stuffed into the middle seat, surrounded by two loud-mouthed brothers who smell like old garbage. They continue to talk loudly throughout the flight and, at one point, even produce some old chicken wings from a hidden compartment in their carry-on. What do you do? Cry? There is nothing you can do, as things currently stand. If only airplanes came equipped with some kind of high-tech helmet that allowed you to shut off the noise of your fellow humans. If Airbus has anything to say about it, there just may be in the near future.

Airbus recently patented the design for an in-flight helmet that lets you ignore your fellow man with ease. It goes over your entire head and projects movies, television shows and adorable videos of cats right there in front of your eyeballs. Each helmet also has state-of-the-art headphones built in so it handles both the disgusting sight of other humans and their disgusting smell. Now you can finally join the mile high club, if the mile high club meant being a total hermit while careening amidst the clouds. (It actually means sex, psst.) The patent claims the helmet can produce complete “sensorial isolation” which sounds just fine by me. I tend to be on airplanes a lot.

Now the bad news. Airbus hasn’t begun outfitting their airplanes with these helmets just yet. As a matter of fact, they haven’t even produced them. The company is engaging in a game of that tried and true schoolyard standard, patent chicken. That’s when a company patents something they don’t necessarily plan on making just so they can sue another company if they happen to make something similar somewhere down the line. Oh well. At least we know something like this will be coming to airlines one day. Down with humanity!